Stuff my Dad said

These little gems may not earn me a television show or a massive following on Twitter, but I was thinking about some of the things my Dad would tell us kids, and thought I'd share some (the ones I could remember):

• Don't spit in the ocean
• Don't pee in the wind (or the pool)
• Don't take any wooden nickels
• You can't (edited) do Number One and Number Two at the same time
• Don't sneeze with your eyes open
• If you fall out of the tree and break your legs, don't come running to me
• Princess Bride is the dumbest movie
• You kids ride your Green Machines up and down the exit ramp while I try to flag down some help (that "help" turned out to be the State Police)
• Stop your crying or I'll give you something to cry about
• This is gonna hurt me more than... no, it won't.
• What the (blankety-blank) are you two (blanety-blank) kids doing up/down/over there!?
• If you two are going to horse around, then go outside and do it
• This will only take fifteen minutes to fix/do (then, three hours later.... we're still at it)
• This will be a shortcut (EIGHT hours later, still not even close to our destination)
• You can't get there from here
• You bet (used in any situation - right, wrong, indifferent)
• They (ticked) me off, so I quit.
• Keep your mouth shut, Henderson (talking to/about himself)
• Vos Los Tibby Hubbin? (That's the best "translation" I can do.  I have no idea what it meant, but when he said it, it meant he wanted you to repeat yourself)
• I deleted a bunch of files that looked suspicious (turned out they were vital DLL files in his Windows directory)
• Hey, look what I found (talking about add-ons for games like FIFA, MADDEN, NHL Hockey, etc that made the games more "realistic")
• Coke Is It! (Thanks, Nik!)
• Detroit!? Who Cares! (I think this had something to do with a football slogan or something, but it became his saying for anything that would normally warrant a "who cares" response)

 Those are the ones I can think of right now. I'm sure my family will have others they'd like to add...