Are you a cold-calling salesperson? Then act like one.

The other day, while working on developing our agency's Continuity of Operations Plan (yes, that would be the Co-op's COOP), I received a cold call from some sales guy.  Looking back, I wish I remembered the dude's name because I would steer you far clear from this guy.

The phone call started off about as normally as most cold calls do, he introduced himself and told me he worked as an Oracle solutions provider.  Here is basically how the conversation went:

Him: "I'm so-and-so, and I'm an Oracle solutions provider.  I was wondering if you had any need of our services. I was told you are the person I should talk to about IT."

Me (knowing that Oracle is a database company, but wanting the guy to work for his pay): "Yes, I'm the IT person here.  What do you do?"

Him (a bit agitated): "Well, we're Oracle."  He pauses as if that should be enough explanation, then continues, "We do database management for companies."

Me (unable to resist the urge to pester the guy): "I'm not sure how that would help me.  Why do I need your services?"

Him (really agitated or confused, it's hard to tell): "Well, do you have anything you're doing with databases?  Like financial records or personnel or backend web data?"

Me: "We run Microsoft Office Sharepoint Services 2007 with SQL 2005."

Him: "Well, with your Office, do you run any databases or anything?"

Me (shaking my head because MOSS 2007 is not 'Office'): "We have a few Access databases, but that has nothing to do with our MOSS solution."

Him (either really pissed or very flustered): "Well, okay, yeah, I guess I'm not sure I'm talking to the right person then."

Me (VERY pissed off): "Whoa!  What do you mean 'not the right person?'  I told you I am THE technology person here.  We're running MOSS 2007 with Microsoft SQL. How am *I* the 'WRONG' person?"

Him: "Well, I don't think you understand -" He breaks off his thought and instead finishes with, "Well, thanks anyway." (or something just as banal)

Now, the moral of the story is this: As a salesperson, your job is to SELL me on your product or service.  Know why you are calling BEFORE you call a prospective customer.  He or she may still not buy from you, but you will be much more well-received if you know what you're talking about.  On the other hand, if you aren't sure, DON'T fake it.  How hard is it to say, "I don't know what that is" or "What is that" when you encounter a potential customer in his or her own environment.  And, last but not least, NEVER, and I mean NEVER talk "down" to a customer, especially one that isn't even a paying customer yet.  Granted, I pushed the guy a bit.

I have no idea if I will ever need services that Oracle offers or not, but rest assured, I will think long and hard before I ever even think about using them.  Yes, based on this one experience.  I don't have time to cottle and cuddle with some salesperson I don't even know, and I sure don't have time to play "catch up" after being treated like *HE* was doing *ME* the favor of his calling.  Next!

Sales that aren't

Ever stop to think about the way 'sales' are listed or described? Probably not. that's why I'm here.

Garage Sale - Has anyone ever actually sold their GARAGE at one of these? If so, why? And where did they park their car after that?

Yard Sale - If one were to purchase another person's yard, how would it be moved? Does the yard include the ground beneath the house or other structures?

Large Family Sale - Do you get the whole family, or are they only selling certain members in order to reduce the size of the family? Or, does this refer to a sale in which ONLY those with large families can participate? If so, is there a small family sale? How about a "I'm the only one in my family" sale?

Half-Off sale - I've never liked these. I would much rather pay full price and get the entire product than get half of it. usually, this is paired with the 'buy one get one' sale. Buy one dog, get the other half off. Which half, exactly?

One-Day sale - Who owns days of the week, anyway? And, if they are selling one of them, how do I know which one? Sometimes, they'll say, "The Saturday One-Day sale" - okay, so i know i can buy Saturday. But even if I show up at Kohl's, they never tell me where to go to buy Saturday. They just tell me where to go. :-)

Buy One, Get one free - This works unless you're talking shoes. Don't I already get one free when I buy one shoe?

Buy one, get one at equal or lesser value for free - has anyone ever missed out on this because they bought the more expensive item AFTER the cheaper one? I mean, I put a toaster on the conveyor for $5 and then I put the blender for $10. CRAP! I just spent $15 because I didn't stop to put the items in the correct order! I think it would be funny if a cashier actually tried that once. "Sorry, sir, but your second item was more than the first. You don't qualify for the sale."

Employee Discount Pricing - Do the employees get ticked off about these sales? I mean, they have to work their tails off so that one of the 'perks' they get is the employee discount. Now, some shmoe comes in and gets the same pricing and he doesn't even work there! I'd quit. Of course, this begs the question of an employee discount on the employee discount. Say the employee gets a 10% discount normally. During the sale, everyone gets 10% off. Now, the employee buys something. Does she get an ADDITIONAL 10% off because she is an employee? If so, then shouldn't the customer get that additional 10% because he is supposed to get employee pricing? Man, at this rate, we should all walk into our local car dealership and say, "I'll take the Corvette at no charge." In fact, due to the nested-loop effect, the dealership should actually PAY you to take a car. Of course, there is always the 'cannot be used in conjunction with other discounts' clause, so that might be what saves the dealership. Though i think that could be challenged, if one should care to try.