Friday, January 12, 2007

Gettin' Jiggy Wethet, 29-cent hamburgers, and who knows what else...

In addition to the "willit" craze, there is also a movement to condense other two-word phrases into single words... The latest? Wethet (as it is spelled (or misspelled) on students' papers)... Need context? "I would like a hamburger. And can I get a Coke wethet?" Sometimes, the kiddos actually spell it correctly, er uh, well, run the two correct words together, anyway... As in, "Let's Get Jiggy Withit!" All one word... Yeap... Of course, this reminds me of a story I once heard about a young boy who got in trouble for writing a word on his paper where his name should have been.... The explanation? The boy said he had picked two of his spelling words and wrote them down on his paper... The words? Pen and is... I'll let you do the math... :-)

For whatever reason, my mind wandered to the land of the 29-cent Hamburger Stand. Are you familiar with this gem? Way back in the day (say around 1985), while living in Colorado, this chain of burger joints was everywhere... Of course, before we moved away, the price had gone up to 39 cents a burger. Yeah, they were about half the thickness of a Mickey D's regular burger, but come on! 29 cents, man! We used to cruise Wadsworth near Denver and hit the stand while we did. Of course, before we moved, you could actually still cruise Wadsworth. Don't know what it looks like now, but they had started putting up cement barricades so you couldn't go cruising... Stupid...

I had to do a little inkjet troubleshooting today at work... The paper would only feed into one side, causing jams every time... After some poking and prodding, and some very up close and personal investigation, I discovered the culprit.... Cement chips.... Seriously... The wall next to the printer had some..movement.. and well, the pieces that are falling off the wall ended up inside the printer.... In all my years, you see something new everyday, I guess.... :-)

I've been playing around with Yahoo! Answers lately... Some questions are good, some are, well, stupid, and some are just...there... One person asked who could come up with a story using as many Beatles song titles as possible. Okay, really, they wanted a paragraph or two, but once I got started.. Well... I couldn't stop... I wanted to write something with ALL the titles in it, but really, by the end, I was kinda bored with the whole thing.... But, for grins, I'll post my (slightly edited)response here:

Okay, what started out as a paragraph took on a life all it's own:

The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill... Across the universe, Dizzy Miss Lizzy began fixing a hole, the fool on the hill for no one, free as a bird. With the devil in her heart, her majesty ran here, there and everywhere, all helter skelter-like, yelling, "Help! Here comes the sun!" With lonesome tears in my eyes, I called out to her, "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-di!" Just then, three cool cats began to shout, "Too much monkey business!" But, I told them it was just between the two of us. They said, "Wait...Slow down...So how come your mother should know some other guy, Young Blood?" I said, "There's a place...down the long and winding road where the things we said today will lead to the bitter end... There is a sea... a sea of monsters, a sea of time... a sea of holes... I've been searchin', Ruby Baby, for the Norwegian Wood. I'm not guilty, not a second time, though, Ooh! My soul... I'm so tired...."

Dizzy Miss Lizzy interrupted, "I don't want to spoil the party, but I forgot to remember to forget that Doctor Robert said I'm getting better, though everybody's got something to hide. I feel fine, but I got to find my baby. Do you want to know a secret?"

"I just don't understand!" I shouted. "Why? I should have known better! How did this happen?" She simply replied, "Maxwell's silver hammer....Mother Nature's son...." Her face blushed a little... I was confused. "Sweet Georgia Brown!? Where did this happen," I asked. "I want to tell you. Memphis, Tennessee... or Kansas City... Maybe back in the USSR? Perhaps Moonlight Bay! Though, certainly not on Penny Lane..." Her mind seem to drift as her eyes shifted slightly out of focus... My mind raced... "Ya Ya..You can't DO that! Hey hey hey hey! Tell me why! What's her name?"

"Ain't she sweet? Carol...Clarabella...Cayenne! Girl, Boys can't buy me love... From me to you, every little thing in spite of all the danger in my life, it won't be long... Just keep your hands off my baby and leave my kitten alone!" She was losing it again... "Julia!? Lucille? Where is lovely Rita?? And Michelle?"

"Let it be," I told her. "Lend me your comb.. and an old brown shoe, Lady Madonna. It's all too much... I'm no soldier of love, sure to fall in love with you. Who else? the Taxman? Did you call out, 'please mr. postman! please please me!?' I guess I'm goin' nowhere man..."

"We can work it out," she cried. "When I get home, why don't we do it in the road? What you're doing, that means a lot - something... Words of love... You really got a hold on me, you'll be mine!" I looked at her. "You like me too much. With a little help from my friends, Wild Honey Pie, this boy don't ever change! Don't bother me! You won't see me any time at all. You know what to do. You know my name - look up the number... Think for yourself! It's the end." Falling at my feet, she cried, "The Honeymoon song, and the night before... Yesterday! Take your ticket to ride and rip it up, teddy boy! What I'd say when I'm sixty four is 'step inside love...let's dance like dreamers do!!' I'm ready Teddy! Oh! Darling, Mr Moonlight, it could be a real love!" I shook my head, in disbelief in myself, but reached down and picked her up. "That's all right, Mama... Yes, it is... Yer blues taste of honey, like strawberry fields forever... Don't let me down, don't pass me by... I need you. I call your name..."

"Good morning, good morning! Good day sunshine! I am glad all over!" She was jumping up and down. "How do you do it? We'll have golden slumbers and a good night! I've been crying, waiting, hoping..."

Later that night, I slipped downstairs. Mean Mr. Mustard, our stupid dog, slept soundly. Misery. I looked in the matchbox and found the bullet. I called out, but there was no reply. "Nobody's child..." I thought to myself, "Sweet little sixteen! HA!" Happiness is a warm gun... I put the bullet in the gun, closed the chamber and spun it... "Revolution," I thought to myself, "Revolution 1..." I spun it again... and again and again, counting each time. "Revolution 9..." I stopped spinning the chamber. I heard rain...and rock and roll music... "Roll over Beethoven," I thought, "Run for your life..." Rocky Raccoon was on the television with the three piggies... "Polythene Pam," I said to the tube, "What a stupid name for a pig... better than Sexy Sadie, I guess." Sometimes you've got to hide your love away in a yellow submarine. Tomorrow never knows the word...the hippy hippy shake... There's nothin' shakin' here... Give me a shot of rhythm and blues while my guitar gently weeps...that'll be the day... No thanks... "Mailman, Bring me no more blues!" I shout to no one... I whisper, "Thank you girl... P.S. I love you."

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