Apr 8, 2007

Easter, A sock "tail" and a correction...


Happy Easter! :-) Tyler spent the night at Shan's folks place last night, but Emily decided to stay home. So, when she woke up, she was pretty excited that the Easter Bunny had come! We do not get the kids a bunch of candy for Easter - they get enough of it from .. er, uh.. other relatives. So, Emily got new Barbie sunglasses and Tyler got Yugioh cards. They each also got a little bit of candy and about three bucks worth of change in their plastic eggs. They also each got a TVNow! recorder. It is a handheld DVR, for lack of a better description. They both plugged them in and started recording stuff to watch later. The built-in memory is not very much (128MB), so I am going to buy them each an SD card to use with their players. That will let them record a full-length movie or two at a time. The cool thing is that there are no moving parts, so in a lot of ways, it's better than a portable DVD player! :-) (At least in theory, guess we'll see, huh?)

The best surprise was the phone call that came this morning. After two rings, Emily picked up the phone, and soon her eyes were as big as half-dollars! POPPY was on the phone! She talked to my Dad for a bit before handing the phone to me, and then as Shan came in, Emily ran over and LEAPT into her arms, "It's Poppy! Poppy called me!" I have a feeling that when Dad gets back from Iraq, he's going to have quite the 'shadow' following him everywhere he goes.... :-)


Nick (Shan's sister's husband) told us a story about one of their dogs. Forgive me if I don't quite get it right, but I'm afraid my re-telling of the -er, uh- "tail," will not do the adventure justice....

It seems that Star, one of their dogs, decided he knew a good meal when he saw it... As the dog ran passed Nick one evening, Nick said he thought he saw TWO tails go running by... Perplexed, he caught the dog only to discover that it not sprouted a new tail, but rather was attempting to purge itself of a previous snack - one of Nick's socks.... Nick said he grabbed the dog's hind-quarters with one arm, while trying to 'help' the dog relieve himself of the sock. As Nick pulled gingerly, the dog was going spastic, trying to figure out just what the heck Nick was doing back there! When the sock finally pulled free, it something akin to a magician's "handkerchief up the sleeve" trick... You see, much of the sock had been digested and so there were strands of material still coming out as Nick pulled...

Truly one of the funniest stories I have heard in a while! :-)


My aunt corrected me on my cocaine reference. Coke does not cause hallucinations, evidently. Guess I missed that in my education somewhere.... :-)



Alright, let's just get this out there - Mr. Trump, what the heck were ya thinkin'!? He should have fired Frank and Nicole tonight... Heidi screwed up this time, sure, but come on, she runs circles around the other applicants. And, Nicole was saved only because Trump was so distracted by the whole Heidi-Frank mess... At this point, I think James will win, unless Stephani beats him out... At least everyone is back inside the house without all that stupid backyard camping stuff... That is one of the dumbest concepts yet.

Now, before anyone gets all wiggy on me, I fully admit that two of the presentations tonight were absolutely horrid. Someone needs to tell these people that Power Point is dead if they are simply going to read what's on the screen... Anyone can do that. It's not their fault, and it's not Power Point's fault. Somewhere, someone missed the 'reason' for Power Point - highlight ideas, but leave the talking to the presenter. I think what happened is that Power Point got "too" fancy. Strip it down and force people to use it like it was SUPPOSED to be used, and you're good to go.... Oh well, I can't say too much - I have a few presentations I have to edit, too... At least I'm not presenting to the world, right? Look, if Mr. Trump is your customer, you cater to him as the customer - have your crap together and know what you're talking about. It's not rocket science, people.....


We went with friends to the batting cages in another town. We let the kids (they have two girls) practice their hitting. Emily practiced T-Ball. The batting cages are arranged by speed and type. So, we have slow softball, slow baseball, medium softball, med. baseball, and finally fast of each. Tyler jumped in the medium cage. Turns out medium means "roughly 80 MPH." He did alright, but moved to the slow baseball (around 45 MPH). For whatever reason, Greg and I decided to try our hands at the medium baseball cages. I mean, come on, just keep your eye on the ball right? Before I go much further, let me remind you that I am NOT athletic, that's why I dink around with technology... So, let the humiliation begin...

The first pitch comes, and I am still in the "okay, get ready" position as the ball hits the pad behind me. Next pitch, and at least I swing the bat this time. "Keep your eye on the ball," I tell myself as the fourth pitch comes out of the machine (yes, there was a third pitch, but it is over and done by the time I tell myself to watch the ball). I swing, and I managed to hit the ball. Now, before you get excited for me, let me just say that in the Majors, the catcher would have caught the foul-tip that really changed nothing of the trajectory of the ball....

Several pitches later, I do manage to hit one in a generally fair-like direction. For me, it's a homer, okay? Then, something strange happened... I watched, and swung, and missed... repeat... (Yes, much like washing your hair). At some point, I just wanted the dumb thing to QUIT pitching! Later, the kid who runs the cages offered me a free token (10 pitches) if I would stand in the fast (90-95 mph) baseball cage. I told him I would be happy to STAND in the cage, but that if he expected me to hit anything, he'd be better off playing the lottery..... :-)

And, yes, I did try my hand at the slow pitch baseball, and hit every pitch, many of them really were homers... But, really, it's hard to be excited when your 11-year old son can do the same thing.... :-)


After the cages, we decided to grab a bite to eat and then we headed over to the mall, where they have a new black-light mini-putt golf course. Sounds fun, right? For about 7 bucks, you play one round.....of 27 holes.... Have you ever played a 27-round game with 4 kids, one of which is under 5!? And, we grownups didn't even PLAY! Greg and I 'supervised' while Michelle and Shan sat on the glowing seats talking.... It was a LOT of fun, really! But, after T-W-E-N-T-Y-S-E-V-E-N holes....even the kids were to the point of picking up the balls and dropping them into the holes... :-)



That reminds me - we stopped at Sonic after that and I got an Oreo Blast. I did not finish it all by the time we got home, and I think I put it in the freezer...I think it's still there...... :-)

Apr 4, 2007

Another one bites the dust....

Hollywood, CA - Natural disaster, Sanjaya, has claimed yet another victim. In a torrential downpour of lacking talent, Off-Key Disaster Sanjaya, managed to land himself in the middle three vote-getters this week. Having accomplished that, he forced Gina, Haley, and Phil into the bottom three spots. The latest victim of the Sanjaya train-wreck? Gina Glockson, the streak-haired rocker with the tongue ring in her mouth. Forecasters can only hope the disaster is on its way to moving out of the area.

Seriously, people.... Find something better to do than vote for Sanjie.... Walk the dog, wash your hair, eat a bowl of Cocoa Puffs... Anything...


At work, "other duties as assigned" has come to mean many things.... Outside light ballast changer, ceiling tile kilz sprayer, overhead fluorescent light bulb replacer, women's restroom wall panel measurer, and today I added mousetrap loader and setter. Over the course of my working life, I have acquired many skills not necessarily related to to the job or my education.... Then again, anything we learn is part of our education, huh? I suppose that makes me a jack-of-all-trades, or a jack-in-the-box, or a jack-a... nevermind... :-)


There was no stake-out at work today... No police vehicles parked next to my truck today. I don't know if that's a good sign or a bad one... I mean, cops are staking out the crack-house acrossed the street one day, and then not the next... Hmm...


Oh, by the way, Keith Richards is now saying the whole, "I snorted my Dad's ashes" was an April Fool's prank... Yeah, okay... Somehow, it's easier to believe it WASNT one than it was one........

Apr 3, 2007

Idol, Legal, and he breathes dead people....

Simon Cowell's response to Sanjaya's performance was priceless: "Incredible." Deciding to take a 'reverse psychology' approach with America, Cowell was clearly disgusted with the ever-continuing presence of Sanjie...

In an effort to save some space (and save my fingers from the carpal tunnel syndrome-inducing repetition of hitting the DEL and END keys over and over and over again), I have only listed the singers - er, uh contestants - that are still in the running...

Idol Singer

Dave'sVote

Shan'sVote

Lakisha

Yes?

Yes

Gina

Yes

?

Sanjaya

No

No

Haley

No

?

Phil

Yes?

?

Melinda

Yes

Yes!Yes!

Blake

Yes

Yes

Jordin

Yes

Yes

Chris R

Yes

?




Tonight was one of the coolest Boston Legal's ever... The flashback to Shatner in his younger days, integrating with the current storyline, was brilliant! My hats off to the BL folks!!


After work yesterday (before the 'spaghetti incident'), as I was leaving, there was a white Suburban parked next to my truck. I did not recognize the vehicle, and as I got closer, I noticed two cops sitting in it. Using my awesome powers of observing the obvious, I realized that these two guys were using my vehicle as a 'shield' to hide behind so that they could watch the house (implied 'crack' house) across the street. At first, I thought this was very weird.... But then, it dawned on me - a SUBURBAN was hiding behind my HEMI! :-) Yeah, it's big... :-)


Keith Richards snorted his Dad's ashes... I can see it now... "I breathe dead people...but only if they're relatives..." Apparently, during a brief period of lacking judgement, he mixed a bit of his Dad's ashes with some cocaine and sucked it all up his nose.... He says it didn't kill him... Well, DUH! Does he not know by now that the only two things to survive a nuclear holocaust will be cockroaches and Keith Richards!? Where has he been for all these ye....oh, right... nevermind... :-)


As for me, the only thing I ever snorted up the nose was.... Pixie Stix... Yes, the Kool-Aid in a tube.... Look, I was in 5th or 6th grade, and my friends and I had just finished off a whole tray of deep-fried doughnuts with some kind of icing dolloped on top.... So, we each grab a stick, empty the contents onto the table, rip off the other end, and... well... just try to imagine someone who is pretending to sniff cocaine... actually, from what I've seen of people who sniff, the initial reactions are about the same - sudden eye-popping, followed by a moment of realization that they just snorted something into their nose, quickly followed by severe nose-rubbing in an effort to get the burning sensation to quit.... Pixie Stix give you all of that.... without the addictive, hallucinating side effects.... I think....


My aunt suggested I write down the things that pop in my head throughout the day and then I'll have them to write about... I'll have to start doing that, or more accurately, start TRYING to do that... For a while, I kept a little notebook handy for when I wanted to work on my short stories... Really, it was just too much of a hassle... I even tried a mini tape recorder... Ever listen to yourself rambling about nothing? Wait a minute, maybe that's how Seinfeld got started....

Apr 2, 2007

Heigh-Ho, Heigh-Ho....

Well, my first day back to work in a week... I am work no more than 15-20 minutes and the phone rings. It's the boss. "This is David," I say, as I almost always do. "You sound like crap," the voice on the other starts the conversation. I explain the whole 'getting over being sick' thing, and then we discuss some business and I was back to work... Sparing you the gory details of using targeted audience settings for links displayed on a sharepoint site, I now fast-forward to lunch:

I decided to go to Taco Bell for lunch.. Well, no, actually I was going to Mickey-D's for a double cheeseburger, but the line was all the way out to the road. I don't have time to be sitting in line... Okay, I could have waited, but I thought the point of FAST food was... umm... the FAST part! So, I went to Wendy's next door and had two cars in front of me. The little white car that was two cars ahead of me was pulled back from the ordering box... The truck in front of me and I waited... and waited... and waited... I finally pulled out and went around them and left for Taco Bell.... When I get to TB, I say I want a "Number 8, beef soft tacos with Mountain Dew." The person says, "I have a #8, meat and cheese only and a Mt. Dew?" I said, "Well, not meat and cheese only. I want a number 8 soft tacos with BEEF" She says, "Okay, total is (whatever), pull around..."

I pull around and she hands me a cup. When I take it, I notice the stuff is DARK... At what point does MOUNTAIN DEW become DR. PEPPER!? I hand it back and say, "This was supposed to be Mt. Dew..." I should have checked my tacos, because, yes, they were soft and had beef, but... you guessed it - meat and cheese only... Maybe I'll just pack my own lunch from now on.... :-)


Speaking of lunch, I made supper this evening... One of the few things I can 'almost' make - spaghetti. I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume that I am not the only guy in the world who finds the whole notion of 'timing' to be foreign when it comes to cooking... Okay, really, the concept of cooking is nearly borderline to me, but I try... Anyway, Somewhere in big, neon flashing letters, I need a sign that says, "Hey, Doofus, Do NOT start to cook anything UNTIL you put the noodles *IN* the pot!" My aunt used to work for a sign company - wonder how much something like would cost... I digress... Because of my lack of coordination in the kitchen direction, I start to boil the water, heat the skillet, and pre-heat the oven all at the same time. Now, pre-heating the oven? Okay, that wasn't too bad (because I nearly forgot to put the bread in, so it worked out for me in the long run).

Here was my thinking: The hamburger meat was frozen, so i would have to thaw it (excuse me, defrost it) in the microwave. While doing that, I would be getting the water ready to boil and heating the skillet. Did I mention that I wasn't supposed to COOK the ground meat at all!? Why not, you ask? Well, you see, I had forgotten that we had MEATBALLS for the spaghetti! Look, just count yourself blessed that I'm not cooking for you... (Well, unless this is Shan reading, in which, count yourself blessed that you're still alive from my cooking to be ABLE to read this...) So, the meat is defrosting, the water is doing what watched water does best - NOT boiling any time soon, and oven is preheating and I decide to cut yet another corner... Basically, I'm cutting so many corners, I'm going in circles... :-) I get the corn out of the freezer (we like the Green Giant nibblet corn in butter sauce - like corn-off-the-cob, man!) and a bowl. while I have freezer open, I grab the Texas toast garlic bread, too. Put all of that on the counter and remember that the Pampered Chef stone-thingy is still in the blankety-blank oven. Did you know that pre-heating an oven does not take quite as long as one might think? So, after I make this discovery, I grab the pot holders and get the stone out.

Meat - just about defrosted, Water - not boiling, but at least there are bubbles... Wait, don't I need to put a pinch of salt in there to help it boil? Ah yes, chemistry class comes back to me, with all the thoughts of h20 and NaCL floating around in boiling harmony... Remove meat from nuker, dump into skillet... Scorch the tar right out of the meat. But, that is one of those thoughts that lingers in your head while you are preoccupied with getting the stupid bag of corn ripped open... Dump the corn in a microwave-safe dish, toss it in the nuker, hit the timer for 9 minutes (nine minutes requires no extra button-pushing, you see), grab a spatula, and start ripping the meat to shreds like Zorro in a curtain factory. Water... steaming, more bubbles, but no where near 'rapid' anything... It is now that I realize I may have put just a tad bit much water in that pot... Oh well, too late now...

At some point, the meat gets done just as the water is ready for the pasta.... Today, for some bizarre reason, I decide to break the pasta in half before dropping it into the pot. Now, I need a SECOND flashing neon sign that reads: "Hey, doofus, you might want to make sure the pasta ends are pressed into your palms so that they don't fall onto the floor!" Yeap, half the pasta in one hand falls to the floor (well, okay, about a quarter of it does... the other quarter of it in that hand falls on to the stove UNDER the pot, ON the heated coils!). Honestly, I don't remember much there for a bit... I was in some weird trance, picking up pasta from the floor and getting it from under the pot at the same time.. I'm pretty sure the Matrix was involved here...

Finally, the corn is ready (too soon because the pasta is still cooking), the meat is done, the bread is sitting on the counter on the cookie sheet, and the jar of sauce is sitting next to the cookie sheet... the cookie sheet of garlic bread! Holy cow! I throw the bread in the oven, pop open the sauce and pour the sauce on the meat. did you know that if you let spaghetti sauce cook on meat long enough at just the right temperature, it's a lot like making sloppy joes? I didn't until this evening.... I also remembered that the instructions on the box of bread said to TURN THE BREAD OVER after about 3 1/2 minutes.... Checking the timer, that was about 2 minutes ago! AUGH! Flip the bread, stir the noodles, add cracked pepper to the corn, stir the corn, stir the sloppy joes - er, uh meat sauce....

Finally, everything is ready... Well, except for the fact that I did not take the lace table-covering off the table for supper... Half-tempted to just let the kids eat out of the collander, I opt to prep the table, and we eat.... Or, rather, Ty and I eat while Em tells us every story she has ever known since the day she was born. I enjoy supper-time conversation, don't get me wrong, but when the ratio of stories told to bites taken is about 20-to-1, I gotta put an end to the talking... Naturally, this went over like a naked idiot riding in a barrel over Niagara Falls... And speaking of waterworks... LOL, just kidding - there were no tears... well, except for my own, which I shed after the whole thing was over - they were tears of joy and exhaustion... or maybe it was sweat running down my face... it's kinda hard to tell....

Apr 1, 2007

Waxing nostalgia and getting the crud

Well, it happened. I woke one morning during spring break with a dry, ticklish throat. By the day's end, my sinuses were out of whack (or maybe they were in a whack, or just plain whacked out, who really knows (nose?)). The next morning, I was pretty sure that someone had hijacked my HEMI, drove it through the house in such a strategic manner that they only managed to run me over without waking anyone or damaging furniture. As the expression goes, I was way-laid (weigh-laid?). And, no not like "WAY laid," either... I couldn't breathe, barely made it to the couch (I hate staying in bed all day), and generally slept most of the day away. Now, usually, I am not one of those whiny-butt guys when I get sick. I was not whiny-butt during this, either, but I also didn't get off my duff to do much of anything, which for me is almost the same thing as being a whiner (as opposed to being a whino, which I have already done once in my life, and don't intend to do again, thank you very much). As of this writing, my sinuses are still not right, and I have 'cougher's ribs.' What's that, you ask? You know, when your ribs hurt so much from all the coughing you've done recently that you can't laugh without pulling the muscles in your chest away from your bones...


One of the things I did manage to do over spring break was to clean up the office a bit. During that process, I decided to transfer information from my 3.5-inch floppy disks to my hard drive, and then I'll back it up to CD. Now, I did this once before, but, well, I'm not quite sure what happened to that other CD, and the copied files were deleted long ago... In any case, many of the disks are photo disks - taken with the Mavica camera I used when I worked as a technology coordinator. In my usual, disorganized manner, most of the disks were/are not labeled. Enter: Emily.

Emily, picking up one of these odd-looking things, cuts her eyes to me and asks, "What are these cards for?" I try to explain the concept of floppy disks to my 4-year old. Not really in the least bit interested in the history of computer storage, she interrupts and asks, "Can I help you do the cards?" So, we did the 'cards.'

What we discovered on those 'cards' was an interesting (well, to me anyway) walk down computing's memory lane... Old games, hardware drivers, pictures, programs, etc... And, for the sake of taking up space and wasting your valuable time, I am going to talk a little about some of the things we found....



Cirrus Logic video cards/drivers - at one time, Cirrus Logic was the leading, cutting edge video chipset manufacturer. Back in the days of "high-end" 16-bit ISA video cards, and then the move to screaming VLB cards, Cirrus was 'da man.' They also produced video cards for 'entry level' PCI cards. I am guessing, but I think they ran out of steam when ATI, nVidia, and other 3-d companies squeezed Cirrus out of the game... Honestly, I didn't even know they were still around (the company, I mean), but they are...



Star Micronics SJ-144 Thermal printer - This little baby was my first IBM-compatible printer (that I can recall anyway). It used these cartridges that were loaded with long, thin, plastic-like ribbons which were coated in a wax-like substance. The printer used a heat (thermal) print head to 'melt' the wax off the ribbon onto the paper. You could (and still can, evidently) buy black ribbons and color ribbons. The color ribbons were really weird, because they had yellow, magenta, cyan, and black in a repeating pattern over the length of the ribbon. You see, once the print head passed over the color, you couldn't (effectively anyway) reuse that same 'strip' of ribbon because the color had been melted off it of. To make matters worse, let's say you printed something that was all green and black... Well, that would use your blue and yellow, but the printer would just have to skip past the magenta on the cartridge. Each LINE you printed took one whole cycle of color! You burned through a color cartridge pretty quickly! :-) If I'm not mistaken, I only threw that thing out a couple years ago... It had been in the top of the closet in the office before that... :-)



Oak Technologies Video card/driver - Another popular video card manufacturer in the 80's and early 90's was Oak Technologies. It seems their web site is down/gone/whatever... I honestly don't remember much about Oak video cards, because at the time I used them, I was mainly into Cirrus Logic. Anyway, seeing a driver disk for an OTIxxx made me do a double-take... :-)


DECNet - When I worked for SAU in Magnolia, they were running DECNet (Digital Equipment Corporation Network). Everything was based on DEC Unix running on DEC Alpha servers. Back then, the machines on campus were running Windows 3.11 (or were being upgraded to it). Eventually, Windows 95 came out, but before that, the DEC network client for Windows was a pain in the rear. Except for one very cool piece.... See, the software came with a utility (the name of which escapes me now) which would read an INI file and automatically create program groups and set their icons. Once we learned the lingo of the application, we used it (even after we switched to a Windows NT environment) to automate desktop installations. It was, truly, one of the coolest things I remember 'discovering' while working there. More about DECNet...
Another, of course, was the World Wide Web - as it had just been 'invented' during that same time... Not the INTERNET, mind you, but the WWW... Some of you may not know, but the WEB was nothing like it is now, and its earliest launch was not really until 1994... Now, you wanna talk about nostalgia....


The World Wide Web in the early days was a nightmare to negotiate. Very few companies had web sites, let alone domain names. On top of that, you had to be specific with cApitAliZATion... If you entered something in ALL CAPS, that was treated differently than something in all lowercase... Internet Explorer, Netscape, Mosaic.... New kids on the block, especially compared to LYNX (which only displays text)... Oh, and getting Winsock configured (the most 'common' Windows version being 'Trumpet Winsock') either went very easily, or you pulled your hair out (which may very well explain a few things about my own head...hmm...). Man, the net sure has come (or fallen, depending on your point of view) a long way since those days...


And, now, I present a (partial) list of games that I found on floppy disk: Freddy Pharkas Frontier Pharmacist, Sea Rogue, Lemmings 2, Super Jeopardy (in EGA!), Wheel of Fortune Deluxe (in VGA!), Classic Concentration (CGA), Card Sharks (CGA), Family Feud (CGA), SimCity (VGA), QuestMaker 2.5, 7 Cities of Gold, Heimdall, Wolfenstein 3-D, and many, many more.... As it turns out, you can actually DOWNLOAD many of these games from places like The-Underdogs, Abandonia, and XTC-Abandonware... Of course, most of these games won't run correctly (or at all) on today's Windows versions, so you may want to get DOSBox to run them in a virtual DOS computer on your system... I also recommend using a 'frontend' for DOSBox, like D-Fend (makes setting up and playing old games MUCH easier!) I spent some time playing Lemmings 2 - I had forgotten how much FUN that game is! :-)


As usual, I had something else I was gonna post, but seeing as how it is nearly 1:00 in the morning, I have forgotten it.. :-)